The Magick of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a big deal for Christians. Apparently, their goal is to get God to forgive their sins, which enables them to enjoy the afterlife. The knowledge that they have been forgiven by their God seems to work some intense magick in their lives, enabling junkies to quit their drug, gamblers to turn from the tables, and families to accept prodigal sons.

As pagans and wiccans, we don't ask our Goddess for forgiveness; she don't count sins against us. However, sometimes human beings hurt each other, and to them we sometimes need to ask forgiveness. And sometimes, we are in the position to either forgive or not forgive some wrong done against us.

Forgiveness holds magick for pagans, as well. When someone has done us wrong, insulted us, taken something we earned, or otherwise dumped us in the dirt, our first inclination is to become hurt, which begins the flow of negative energy. That energy then goes out into the world, bringing more negativity into our Universe, which brings us down even more.

This vicious cycle of negativity does not stem from the action done to you, it stems from your reaction to that event. Let me make that perfectly clear: the original action that causes a dispute is not the source of the negativity that ensues, but the reaction to it is.

Basically, nobody wakes up in the morning saying "I'm going to mess you up." Even the meanest people in the world start their day saying "I'm going to get what is rightfully mine, even if I have to step on toes to do so." But they don't single you out. You're just a minor casualty in their flawed plan.

Most people wake up in the morning saying "I have stuff to do today," with no thought whatsoever about you. You are not intended as a victim; the intention is all about them.

So the negativity starts when you feel hurt by someone else's action. And then you begin to defend yourself in ways you believe are appropriate: distancing, denying, retaliation, and the game is on. Soon the negativity begins flowing both directions in a nasty little 'button pushing contest' and then the people involved become enemies.

We know that magick is about the intention behind it. We know that if someone's intent is to hurt us, the energy will eventually backfire and karma will kick in. So if their intention is just to get ahead, without thoughts about you, it makes just as much sense to start a war with them as it does to start a war with a hurricane.

But hurricanes still hurt us. It hurts when something or someone we care about is threatened or damaged. If you didn't care, it wouldn't hurt. So if you get hurt by someone's actions, give yourself credit for being a thinking, feeling, caring individual. And recognize that you have chosen to give-a-damn, therefore, you choose to hurt. As Osho says, great sensitivity also brings great suffering.

A common story involves a father with two small children on a train. The kids are bouncing all over the car, fighting and arguing with each other, causing a ruckus and driving the other passengers nuts. The dad is doing nothing to correct them. What would you think about that dad? But then, another passenger whispers that the family is returning from the funeral of the mother. Suddenly, the dad's behavior and the kid's behavior makes sense. The result is an instant forgiveness for the transgressions of the family, due to a new understanding.

Understanding the other person's motives is the beginning. Their motivations are always themselves, so that's easy. Were they in a hurry or distracted and missed something? Were they excited or frustrated and acting out? Did they forget about being compassionate toward others? Were they not aware of your expectations? If you think about it long enough, you'll understand their intentions, which is the seed of forgiveness.

A great meditation is to imagine there's an empty area in your heart, a cleaned-out window sill or a corner of the floor, where you can grow forgiveness. See a small pot full of healthy soil, and plant the seed of understanding; that is, plant the knowledge that they were only trying to get ahead, and stepped on your toes doing so.

Fertilize this little seed with your caring. Your sensitivity will take care of this little seed until it becomes a plant. Then water that plant with the tears that come from the hurt within you. Every time you think about the hurt, visualize the forgiveness plant being watered. Come back to it every day to see how it grows.

Eventually, when you see the forgiveness plant, it will give you the message that will help heal the hurt. If it is wilting from lack of light, then bring the hurtful issue "into the light." Talk to someone about it. If the forgiveness plant is growing like crazy and taking over the space, it's time to stop watering (crying over it) and take it outside for all to see. That means to make your forgiveness public. If you find you have no more tears to water it with, plant it outdoors so that you no longer have to care for it. And that means to let the whole issue go to the greater Universe.

Forgiving is magick for pagans in that we can release tied-up, wasted, negative energy and turn it into something truly positive for ourselves and for others. Don't let the opportunity to use forgiveness energy go to waste. The next time you have an opportunity to forgive, recover that energy and be forgiving.