As I go into my meditation, a drop of water falls from a tree branch and lands directly on my crown chakra. I hate it when that happens...there's always a message in it for me.
Shiva...meditate upon Shiva, it says. I do.
He finds me in the Heart Temple, swooshes in swiftly with dazzling blueness. 'Shiva, Namaste!" I say, only half surprised. I did, after all, call him here myself.
He takes me in his arms like a lover coming home from overseas. "I have a message for you," he says softly against my ear. He is becoming transparent. I can feel him, but he's not solid...a hazy blue cloud form. "This is a message to all of the women you train," he adds, still holding me against his fading form. Now I'm curious. I don't have to ask, he can feel my question.
He pulls back a little to look in my face. I can barely see him now. "Here's the message: All men are Shiva. All men. You must remember that, even when they are trying very hard not to be Shiva. All men are Shiva." He disappears all together, and then I no longer feel his embrace.
All men are Shiva. No matter which man you make love with, he is Shiva. No matter which man you argue with, he is Shiva. No matter which man stood you up, tore you down, bought you flowers or stepped on your heart. He is Shiva.
OH...but Shiva has so many different connotations! Shiva is masculine deity, yes, but he is also Matter, basis of the Material world. The word also stands for the masculine principle, the strength and stamina of the male. Shiva is also the blue sky and all things up above, as opposed to Shakti who is hte Earth and all things below.
So all males are deity, matter, strength, and the sky.
Yeah, I can make love to that...no matter how crazy this particular Shiva makes me!
But Shiva! Wait! Don't Go yet!...if all men are Shiva, what the fuck is all this crap on the outside, all that bitter ego shit? How do we, as women, deal with it? What if they don't believe that they are Shiva?
Too late to ask questions now. The Deity has left the Temple.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Competition
We live in a competitive society. We are taught from the time we understand anything at all that there are finite resources and we must strategize on maximizing our access to the resources we desire. In other words, we must figure out how to get what we need while others are doing the same. This leads inevitably to competition.
But...what if you didn't know your needs from your wants? What if nobody taught you any strategies? What if you lived by the philosophy of doing no harm to others? What if you just didn't want to compete?
Is there an easy way through this dog-eat-dog world? Sure there is. Just ask a cat.
Competition is only a problem of perspective. We feel we must compete because that is what we see immediately around us. But we're not looking at the bigger picture. The fact that there are plenty of resources in our immediate environment seems to slip by most Americans. In your neighborhood, right this moment, is a grocery store that holds enough food to feed you and your neighbors. In your state, right now, there is enough food to feed every person in the state (unless, of course, you're growing oranges in Florida in the middle of a freeze.)
Finite resources is manufactured scarcity. People starve in America not because there is not enough food in America, but because there is too much competition, which results in hoarding (aka price gouging) which results in a certain unfortunate sector of the population not being able to afford to purchase the food from those with the resources. But this is a society of plenty. And competition disappears in an atmosphere of plenty.
So...competition is manufactured by society, but we don't have to buy that paradigm. However, we all still have to live in society. How do we eat but not compete?
First off, remember that you are where you are for a reason. Nobody knows that reason except maybe deep down inside of you, but there's a reason for your existance. If you are where you're supposed to be, you will find all the resources you need to be where you are. When those resources are not there, you will move on. If you are not in the place you're supposed to be, you may need to move on to find resources.
Second, if you are not competing, you actually have more attention to give to opportunities. You have a chance to see them coming and prepare to make the most of them. You have time to create them.
Third, take yourself out of the game. If there's a ballgame in a stadium, there are winners and losers. There are winning fans and losing fans. Each person in the stadium is on one side of the line or the other, and the two sides are competing. The hot-dog vendor is competing with the beer guy for your cash. People are getting antsy about their teams...stressing out even! But everyone is involved in the game somehow.
Who is not involved in the game?
The person walking down the street, who doesn't know the game is happening, and doesn't care. This person is not competing. This person is not watching or judging the competition. This person can have hot dogs and beer all day long, no competition.
Step out of the game. Get away from the stadium. Stop playing, stop watching, stop being the referee. Stop parking cars for the patrons. Get your needs met under your own power, feed yourself as you wish, eat, sleep, work, play as you wish. It's your life and you only get it this one time.
Be the cat in a dog-eat-dog world.
But...what if you didn't know your needs from your wants? What if nobody taught you any strategies? What if you lived by the philosophy of doing no harm to others? What if you just didn't want to compete?
Is there an easy way through this dog-eat-dog world? Sure there is. Just ask a cat.
Competition is only a problem of perspective. We feel we must compete because that is what we see immediately around us. But we're not looking at the bigger picture. The fact that there are plenty of resources in our immediate environment seems to slip by most Americans. In your neighborhood, right this moment, is a grocery store that holds enough food to feed you and your neighbors. In your state, right now, there is enough food to feed every person in the state (unless, of course, you're growing oranges in Florida in the middle of a freeze.)
Finite resources is manufactured scarcity. People starve in America not because there is not enough food in America, but because there is too much competition, which results in hoarding (aka price gouging) which results in a certain unfortunate sector of the population not being able to afford to purchase the food from those with the resources. But this is a society of plenty. And competition disappears in an atmosphere of plenty.
So...competition is manufactured by society, but we don't have to buy that paradigm. However, we all still have to live in society. How do we eat but not compete?
First off, remember that you are where you are for a reason. Nobody knows that reason except maybe deep down inside of you, but there's a reason for your existance. If you are where you're supposed to be, you will find all the resources you need to be where you are. When those resources are not there, you will move on. If you are not in the place you're supposed to be, you may need to move on to find resources.
Second, if you are not competing, you actually have more attention to give to opportunities. You have a chance to see them coming and prepare to make the most of them. You have time to create them.
Third, take yourself out of the game. If there's a ballgame in a stadium, there are winners and losers. There are winning fans and losing fans. Each person in the stadium is on one side of the line or the other, and the two sides are competing. The hot-dog vendor is competing with the beer guy for your cash. People are getting antsy about their teams...stressing out even! But everyone is involved in the game somehow.
Who is not involved in the game?
The person walking down the street, who doesn't know the game is happening, and doesn't care. This person is not competing. This person is not watching or judging the competition. This person can have hot dogs and beer all day long, no competition.
Step out of the game. Get away from the stadium. Stop playing, stop watching, stop being the referee. Stop parking cars for the patrons. Get your needs met under your own power, feed yourself as you wish, eat, sleep, work, play as you wish. It's your life and you only get it this one time.
Be the cat in a dog-eat-dog world.
Monday, January 4, 2010
"Just" and "Only"
When someone says you have hurt them, ask one question, then shut the fuck up. Do not apologize immediately, simply say "How?" And then listen.
Someone with hurt feelings doesn't give a shit about your apology...yet. Just as a bleeding cut needs oxygen to clot, hurt feelings need to air to feel better. He or she needs to vent. He or she needs to know that someone is listening. He or she needs to rip into you. And if you sincerely are apologetic about it, you'll let that happen.
And THEN apologize.
Example: Someone steps on your toes as they get into an crowded elevator. You say "ow!" Toe-stepper says "I was just trying to find a place to stand." This translates into: I was just trying to take care of my own needs. That statement is not about YOU at all! It's all about him. You still have him standing on your toe, you're still saying "ow." And you still have to tell him to get off your fucking foot.
So when the shoe is on the other foot, and you are the Toe-stepper, and someone says "ow!" You can ask "How did I hurt you?" They will say "Get off my fucking foot, you idiot!" And then you do, and then apologize, and the energy exchange is over.
In an emotional transaction, it goes like this: I say something you perceive as negative, say a comment about people from your home town. Your feelings are hurt. You spout off, call me a bitch, whatever. This is my signal that your feelings were hurt. So, instead of defending my statement, instead of taking your anger personally, I ask "What did I do to piss you off?" You then tell me that you are from that town, you are proud of your town, and I don't know what the fuck I"m talking about. At this point I have learned two things: #1, which places that you value, and #2, my conclusions about your town are erroneous. If I have learned these things, why should I have to defend my statement at all? It was obviously false. Actually, I should thank you!
Or perhaps we argue over some fact, like the value of pi or the circumference of the earth. You say X and I say Y. I know deep in my heart that I am correct, but the more I insist, the more pissed off you get. Finally, you are yelling at me. This is my signal that I hurt your feelings. At this point, I could just drop it, call you an idiot, and leave you there, misguided and pissed off. Or I can say "What about this argument is making you so angry?" And you'll say "Because you're wrong, and you're stupid, and I can prove you're wrong!" At this point, allow the proof to be brought forth. Be gracious about it's presentation.
When someone says "I was just...." or "I was only..." to explain their behavior, they are not talking about anyone but themselves. It's an excuse, a way to duck blame for thoughtlessness. It is not Just. It is Only...about them. Never confront a person who is angry at you with the word, "But I was just..." It's not about you, is it?
Someone with hurt feelings doesn't give a shit about your apology...yet. Just as a bleeding cut needs oxygen to clot, hurt feelings need to air to feel better. He or she needs to vent. He or she needs to know that someone is listening. He or she needs to rip into you. And if you sincerely are apologetic about it, you'll let that happen.
And THEN apologize.
Example: Someone steps on your toes as they get into an crowded elevator. You say "ow!" Toe-stepper says "I was just trying to find a place to stand." This translates into: I was just trying to take care of my own needs. That statement is not about YOU at all! It's all about him. You still have him standing on your toe, you're still saying "ow." And you still have to tell him to get off your fucking foot.
So when the shoe is on the other foot, and you are the Toe-stepper, and someone says "ow!" You can ask "How did I hurt you?" They will say "Get off my fucking foot, you idiot!" And then you do, and then apologize, and the energy exchange is over.
In an emotional transaction, it goes like this: I say something you perceive as negative, say a comment about people from your home town. Your feelings are hurt. You spout off, call me a bitch, whatever. This is my signal that your feelings were hurt. So, instead of defending my statement, instead of taking your anger personally, I ask "What did I do to piss you off?" You then tell me that you are from that town, you are proud of your town, and I don't know what the fuck I"m talking about. At this point I have learned two things: #1, which places that you value, and #2, my conclusions about your town are erroneous. If I have learned these things, why should I have to defend my statement at all? It was obviously false. Actually, I should thank you!
Or perhaps we argue over some fact, like the value of pi or the circumference of the earth. You say X and I say Y. I know deep in my heart that I am correct, but the more I insist, the more pissed off you get. Finally, you are yelling at me. This is my signal that I hurt your feelings. At this point, I could just drop it, call you an idiot, and leave you there, misguided and pissed off. Or I can say "What about this argument is making you so angry?" And you'll say "Because you're wrong, and you're stupid, and I can prove you're wrong!" At this point, allow the proof to be brought forth. Be gracious about it's presentation.
When someone says "I was just...." or "I was only..." to explain their behavior, they are not talking about anyone but themselves. It's an excuse, a way to duck blame for thoughtlessness. It is not Just. It is Only...about them. Never confront a person who is angry at you with the word, "But I was just..." It's not about you, is it?
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