Listen!

When someone is listening to you, what happens to your emotions?

Listening is the one thing that anyone can do at anytime that will not piss anyone off. Listening is the one thing that anyone can do no matter how ill, broken, or physically handicapped (with the one exception of physical deafness...and even they 'listen' when others speak their language). Listening is the one thing that we desire most in friendships and love relationships. Listening is one thing that 90% of people suck at, and nobody wants to admit that.

Think about the times that you knew you were not being heard--do you ever want to make someone else feel like that? But I bet you have and you do and you will...unless you begin to pay attention to where your attention is when you are supposed to be listening.

Check it out: When you are having a conversation with someone, are you listening to what they are saying, or are you thinking about what you will say next? Do you let them finish their sentences, or do you interrupt? Do you look at them, or do you allow your eyes to wander off? (Even in cultures where eye contact is not courteous, there's a perceptible inward lean when someone is listening).

If you are in an audience, and someone is addressing the crowd, do you keep your focus on that person, or do you find yourself drawn away by the interesting behavior of the crowd? Do you find yourself daydreaming, mentally criticizing the information being presented, or making notice of the speaker's appearance? (Someone spent time and energy, perhaps even pre-writing presentations or gaining a special skill, to earn the chance to address this crowd, right?)

If you are not listening to whoever is talking, it doesn't matter what they are saying, your response is the same: that person, and what they have to say, is not important.

Think about that-- "You are not important."

We say more with our body language and behavior than our words can ever portray. When you listen to someone, and they see that you are listening, they will open up even more. You will get more information. Your questions will be answered, your concerns addressed, if you are just patient enough to what is being said. You don't HAVE to say anything with your mouth, if your behavior says what you want it to say.

If you are listening, you know when it is your turn to talk, and when the other person will be open to hearing your ideas. You can insist that you be allowed to finish your point, but only if you have allowed the other person to do so first.

Listening is a skill. It is more than just hearing the words; intonation and inflection are very important as well. Raised pitch can tell you how upset someone is. Lowered pitch can tell you how serious. (Tip to Tantra students: Check your voice pitch against your chakra behavior during times of high energy/emotion...another fun experiment.)

If you can't train yourself to listen, then try peppering your responses with a few of these:

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. Go on."
"So you were saying something...?"
"I have a great idea...don't let me forget, but finish what you were saying."
"Hey, something else is drawing my attention...can we finish this later?"

You'll catch yourself more and more...and eventually find you are communicating better and better.

Have a great new gregorian calendar year, everyone...:-)

Expansion on Energy Exchange theory - Why do people love?

Energy exchange theory, which I outlined in the back of my book (but as a nameless concept), is a set of ideas based in Vedic literature and married to the modern sciences. Energy Exchange theory posits that people create various interpersonal connections by exchanging energies to varying degrees. These energy exchanges create the environment in which our personalities, goals, and fears play out. Understanding the dynamics of energy exchange allows one to gain control of social connections, working in our own environment to meet our own needs without hampering the needs of others.

People who are "in love" with one another have the largest, most intense connections for energy exchanges. The MRI scans of brains from people who are in love (and thinking about their lover) show more intense frontal lobe and mid-brain activity than people who are not currently in a hot connection.

Humans crave energy. We like high-calorie foods, we prefer sunlight over darkness, we're more comfortable on the ground than in trees or in the air. We have recreational sex. We are social creatures, gathering energy from our fellow humans. On the far end of the negative scale, people take advantage of weaker people for the greater energy gain. If I control you, I get your food, money, attention, etc. On the far positive end are people who are altruistic and philanthropic, giving away their time, money, and other forms of energy.

Because we crave energy and we are constantly putting it out, we gather in groups. We sometimes land in groups we like, which boosts our energy input, but most often we land in groups that have some sort of energy tug-of-war going on. There's not enough positive energy to go around.

Positive energy vs. Negative energy: It's not a judgment call--it's a mathematical factor. Positive energy is energy that is additional, as in positive numbers are added. Negative energy is energy that subtracts. People who are sick or injured are negative energy centers, but that's not a bad thing--it just means they need more than most.

Humans fall in love because it is a source of creative, positive energy. Love brings with it a whole host of hormonal and brain changes, but it also brings with it the ability for humans to become energy dynamos. Once we start spinning, we keep going, building and building energy until we explode...this could be a physical orgasm, or it could be a new project idea, a plan to do something positive. Something that would be like...giving birth.

More later...
S