I've come to the conclusion that I like Shakti boys.
You know, those guys who are not interested in becoming women, but who have a great big dose of feminine energy that just can't be denied. Guys who lean toward the effeminite in sex, dress, the way they carry themselves, their attitudes, or any of the above. And they don't have to be overt about it: I can spot that energy a mile away. They don't even have to admit it to themselves: sometimes it only comes out after I've known them for a while.
I dropped the term "Shakti Boy" on a Shakti boy today, and he loved it. It covers so many other labels: Gay, transgendered, transexual, queen, queer, bi, cross-dresser, femme, you can stack up all the derogatory ones. But they are beautiful, like Goddesses. There is no reason to be derogatory. They are Shakti...and they have penises.
There are Shiva girls, too...I should know, I am one! And they are also fun to play with. And that probably explains my attraction to Shakti boys. But Shiva girls are more acceptable in this society. Shakti boys have to eat a lot of shit before they find their way in this world. And quite honestly, I find the Shakti boys to be overwhelmingly attractive. I don't think I'm alone in that.
I can't remember the first Shakti boy I ever met, but my mother had a whole slew of them hanging out. I remember being fascinated by their painted nails and lovely clothes, and wondering in a childlike way why all men didn't dress or act this way. The first time I witnessed two Shakti boys making out, I was probably about 7 years old, interrupting them to come play or get something off a shelf for me. It didn't occur to me that what they were doing was out of the ordinary, because I was winning. To me, they were just two more grown ups to bug. (They were entirely unsuccessful at ignoring me.)
All effective male Tantrics are Shakti oriented to one degree or another. It is impossible to understand your female partner unless you have embraced Shakti in her entirety. (and the same can be said in reverse for females and Shiva). But there's something about a Shakti boy that is fundamentally different from Shiva men.
I think, the bottomline is this: Shakti boys are calmer, they have more peace in their hearts, they strive to be loving and lovable then men who carry pure Shiva energy. They don't fight, not even in self defense. They are gentle to their very core, and aim to do no harm, even in anger.
Oh, and they tend to be quite sexy.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Shakti Boys!
I've come to the conclusion that I like Shakti boys.
You know, those guys who are not interested in becoming women, but who have a great big dose of feminine energy that just can't be denied. Guys who lean toward the effeminite in sex, dress, the way they carry themselves, their attitudes, or any of the above. And they don't have to be overt about it: I can spot that energy a mile away. They don't even have to admit it to themselves: sometimes it only comes out after I've known them for a while.
I dropped the term "Shakti Boy" on a Shakti boy today, and he loved it. It covers so many other labels: Gay, transgendered, transexual, queen, queer, bi, cross-dresser, femme, you can stack up all the derogatory ones. But they are beautiful, like Goddesses. There is no reason to be derogatory. They are Shakti...and they have penises.
There are Shiva girls, too...I should know, I am one! And they are also fun to play with. And that probably explains my attraction to Shakti boys. But Shiva girls are more acceptable in this society. Shakti boys have to eat a lot of shit before they find their way in this world. And quite honestly, I find the Shakti boys to be overwhelmingly attractive. I don't think I'm alone in that.
I can't remember the first Shakti boy I ever met, but my mother had a whole slew of them hanging out. I remember being fascinated by their painted nails and lovely clothes, and wondering in a childlike way why all men didn't dress or act this way. The first time I witnessed two Shakti boys making out, I was probably about 7 years old, interrupting them to come play or get something off a shelf for me. It didn't occur to me that what they were doing was out of the ordinary, because I was winning. To me, they were just two more grown ups to bug. (They were entirely unsuccessful at ignoring me.)
All effective male Tantrics are Shakti oriented to one degree or another. It is impossible to understand your female partner unless you have embraced Shakti in her entirety. (and the same can be said in reverse for females and Shiva). But there's something about a Shakti boy that is fundamentally different from Shiva men.
I think, the bottomline is this: Shakti boys are calmer, they have more peace in their hearts, they strive to be loving and lovable then men who carry pure Shiva energy. They don't fight, not even in self defense. They are gentle to their very core, and aim to do no harm, even in anger.
Oh, and they tend to be quite sexy.
You know, those guys who are not interested in becoming women, but who have a great big dose of feminine energy that just can't be denied. Guys who lean toward the effeminite in sex, dress, the way they carry themselves, their attitudes, or any of the above. And they don't have to be overt about it: I can spot that energy a mile away. They don't even have to admit it to themselves: sometimes it only comes out after I've known them for a while.
I dropped the term "Shakti Boy" on a Shakti boy today, and he loved it. It covers so many other labels: Gay, transgendered, transexual, queen, queer, bi, cross-dresser, femme, you can stack up all the derogatory ones. But they are beautiful, like Goddesses. There is no reason to be derogatory. They are Shakti...and they have penises.
There are Shiva girls, too...I should know, I am one! And they are also fun to play with. And that probably explains my attraction to Shakti boys. But Shiva girls are more acceptable in this society. Shakti boys have to eat a lot of shit before they find their way in this world. And quite honestly, I find the Shakti boys to be overwhelmingly attractive. I don't think I'm alone in that.
I can't remember the first Shakti boy I ever met, but my mother had a whole slew of them hanging out. I remember being fascinated by their painted nails and lovely clothes, and wondering in a childlike way why all men didn't dress or act this way. The first time I witnessed two Shakti boys making out, I was probably about 7 years old, interrupting them to come play or get something off a shelf for me. It didn't occur to me that what they were doing was out of the ordinary, because I was winning. To me, they were just two more grown ups to bug. (They were entirely unsuccessful at ignoring me.)
All effective male Tantrics are Shakti oriented to one degree or another. It is impossible to understand your female partner unless you have embraced Shakti in her entirety. (and the same can be said in reverse for females and Shiva). But there's something about a Shakti boy that is fundamentally different from Shiva men.
I think, the bottomline is this: Shakti boys are calmer, they have more peace in their hearts, they strive to be loving and lovable then men who carry pure Shiva energy. They don't fight, not even in self defense. They are gentle to their very core, and aim to do no harm, even in anger.
Oh, and they tend to be quite sexy.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Hands and Magick
Everything I touch is magick. Everything I do has intent. All things I put my hands on must be something I can be proud of.
Anyone who knows me understands that I don't get along well with cosmetics. They don't like my skin, and I don't like putting on something that isn't the real me. I will do eye liner and mascara for a party, because these are things that are obviously enhancements on what is there. Lipstick tastes like shit, so I never have done that. I used to do eyeshadow, concealer, base, blush, perfume, hairspray, all of it...every fucking day for over 10 years working in retail management, then the towing industry. Pantyhose and high heels too. It took more than 45 minutes out of my day every morning just to get ready to leave the house. Yeah, nobody who knew me back then is still around now, except Ian.
But nail polish is different. It is a magickal act in itself. The focus it takes to put it on (paying to have others do it is CHEATING!) the ability to be creative with it...and the reminder each time it flashes in front of you; this magickal act. Not to mention all the ambidexterous practice!
The hands are something we look at every day, all day. It's the one body part that we look at more often than any other. Rings and bracelets and watches...they all tell stories to us as we wear them and see them. Our hands are the mundane outlet for our magical manifestations. Your attention is drawn to them, your energy projects that thought, and voila...more juice toward manifestation. Symbols, sigils, and...well...beautifying things like jewelry and nail polish, it all serves a magickal purpose.
Do not choose randomly!
Anyone who knows me understands that I don't get along well with cosmetics. They don't like my skin, and I don't like putting on something that isn't the real me. I will do eye liner and mascara for a party, because these are things that are obviously enhancements on what is there. Lipstick tastes like shit, so I never have done that. I used to do eyeshadow, concealer, base, blush, perfume, hairspray, all of it...every fucking day for over 10 years working in retail management, then the towing industry. Pantyhose and high heels too. It took more than 45 minutes out of my day every morning just to get ready to leave the house. Yeah, nobody who knew me back then is still around now, except Ian.
But nail polish is different. It is a magickal act in itself. The focus it takes to put it on (paying to have others do it is CHEATING!) the ability to be creative with it...and the reminder each time it flashes in front of you; this magickal act. Not to mention all the ambidexterous practice!
The hands are something we look at every day, all day. It's the one body part that we look at more often than any other. Rings and bracelets and watches...they all tell stories to us as we wear them and see them. Our hands are the mundane outlet for our magical manifestations. Your attention is drawn to them, your energy projects that thought, and voila...more juice toward manifestation. Symbols, sigils, and...well...beautifying things like jewelry and nail polish, it all serves a magickal purpose.
Do not choose randomly!
Monday, April 5, 2010
The BIG Idea!
So what's the Big idea?
Everyone has one. You have one. An idea that has been floating around in your head that you would love to see manifest, but is held back by the physical necessities of life. Time, money, people...something always holds back our Big ideas. Many times we think that it's even silly to entertain these Big Ideas, maybe because they don't have much usefulness, or perhaps they might be TOO BIG. Other times, the Big Ideas take the role of games around the table, 'what if' stories that we tell each other for entertainment.
But here's the problem with Big Ideas: They don't go no where unless they are shared. You can't tell if an idea is a good one or a bad one unless it gets out of your head, either in words, art, or actions. Ideas mean nothing if not set free from the confines of our skull.
Let's face it, out of all the ideas in the world, only a few manifest the way that they were originally envisioned. Most get tweaked, revamped, reworked, and resubmitted. While me might all like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, that will never actually happen and we all know it. BUT...we might find a catchy song lyric in the process of airing our Big Ideas. Or a good photo opp. Or an inspiration for the next garden bed we dig.
So here's the deal:
Post your Big Ideas here. Not necessarily on MY blog, but on your own. Or on your Facebook or Twitter page. Or if you wanna just leave them as a comment here, that's good too. But share them with the world behind the anonymity of screen and keyboard. No matter how silly, how weird, how unintelligent you might think they are, if you have plans that involve more than you can bring to the table, you must share them somehow, somewhere. If, however, you have the BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD, you'll never know if you don't put it out there somewhere.
Oh, and no criticism of other people's ideas; you can add to an idea, and you can offer updates and changes to an idea, but you cannot BASH an idea. If someone finds fault in anyone else's idea, please be specific and courteous in drawing attention to the error.
I'm not sure who first said this, but I read in via Ann Landers: Small minds talk about people. Moderate minds talk about events. Big minds talk about ideas. The internet has given us the power to share ideas instantly, to become one big brain across the planet. Seriously, if you think of neurons like the individuals networked together via the internet, you can see that the more connections we make, the smarter the planet gets. And what's more intriguing than someone else's ideas? (one answer to that: Selling someone else on your own idea!)
So here's my Big Idea:
Inspire everyone to share their best ideas with everyone else, which will inspire even better ideas, thus expanding networking capacity and increasing exponentially the sum total of human knowledge.
Great idea, eh? But I can't do it without help. So take my Big Idea and turn it into your Big Idea.
Example of a Big Idea:
If we made all the polluting and resource stripping factories businesses actually figure in the cost of repairing the environmental destruction that is the legacy of their business practices into their business models, two things would happen: environmentally sensitive areas would become too expensive to exploit, and businesses would be making an honest profit, not one that rapes the future generation's resources. Lumber companies would pay for replanting mixed use forests, oil companies would pay to clean up all spills every time as well as the approximate value of all dead wildlife. Toxic waste dumps would be filtered and cleaned up at the cost of the corporation, and not the taxpayer. I don't know how to implement this, but it's possible to start with a grass-roots movement...like all Big ideas do.
Everyone has one. You have one. An idea that has been floating around in your head that you would love to see manifest, but is held back by the physical necessities of life. Time, money, people...something always holds back our Big ideas. Many times we think that it's even silly to entertain these Big Ideas, maybe because they don't have much usefulness, or perhaps they might be TOO BIG. Other times, the Big Ideas take the role of games around the table, 'what if' stories that we tell each other for entertainment.
But here's the problem with Big Ideas: They don't go no where unless they are shared. You can't tell if an idea is a good one or a bad one unless it gets out of your head, either in words, art, or actions. Ideas mean nothing if not set free from the confines of our skull.
Let's face it, out of all the ideas in the world, only a few manifest the way that they were originally envisioned. Most get tweaked, revamped, reworked, and resubmitted. While me might all like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, that will never actually happen and we all know it. BUT...we might find a catchy song lyric in the process of airing our Big Ideas. Or a good photo opp. Or an inspiration for the next garden bed we dig.
So here's the deal:
Post your Big Ideas here. Not necessarily on MY blog, but on your own. Or on your Facebook or Twitter page. Or if you wanna just leave them as a comment here, that's good too. But share them with the world behind the anonymity of screen and keyboard. No matter how silly, how weird, how unintelligent you might think they are, if you have plans that involve more than you can bring to the table, you must share them somehow, somewhere. If, however, you have the BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD, you'll never know if you don't put it out there somewhere.
Oh, and no criticism of other people's ideas; you can add to an idea, and you can offer updates and changes to an idea, but you cannot BASH an idea. If someone finds fault in anyone else's idea, please be specific and courteous in drawing attention to the error.
I'm not sure who first said this, but I read in via Ann Landers: Small minds talk about people. Moderate minds talk about events. Big minds talk about ideas. The internet has given us the power to share ideas instantly, to become one big brain across the planet. Seriously, if you think of neurons like the individuals networked together via the internet, you can see that the more connections we make, the smarter the planet gets. And what's more intriguing than someone else's ideas? (one answer to that: Selling someone else on your own idea!)
So here's my Big Idea:
Inspire everyone to share their best ideas with everyone else, which will inspire even better ideas, thus expanding networking capacity and increasing exponentially the sum total of human knowledge.
Great idea, eh? But I can't do it without help. So take my Big Idea and turn it into your Big Idea.
Example of a Big Idea:
If we made all the polluting and resource stripping factories businesses actually figure in the cost of repairing the environmental destruction that is the legacy of their business practices into their business models, two things would happen: environmentally sensitive areas would become too expensive to exploit, and businesses would be making an honest profit, not one that rapes the future generation's resources. Lumber companies would pay for replanting mixed use forests, oil companies would pay to clean up all spills every time as well as the approximate value of all dead wildlife. Toxic waste dumps would be filtered and cleaned up at the cost of the corporation, and not the taxpayer. I don't know how to implement this, but it's possible to start with a grass-roots movement...like all Big ideas do.
The BIG Idea!
So what's the Big idea?
Everyone has one. You have one. An idea that has been floating around in your head that you would love to see manifest, but is held back by the physical necessities of life. Time, money, people...something always holds back our Big ideas. Many times we think that it's even silly to entertain these Big Ideas, maybe because they don't have much usefulness, or perhaps they might be TOO BIG. Other times, the Big Ideas take the role of games around the table, 'what if' stories that we tell each other for entertainment.
But here's the problem with Big Ideas: They don't go no where unless they are shared. You can't tell if an idea is a good one or a bad one unless it gets out of your head, either in words, art, or actions. Ideas mean nothing if not set free from the confines of our skull.
Let's face it, out of all the ideas in the world, only a few manifest the way that they were originally envisioned. Most get tweaked, revamped, reworked, and resubmitted. While me might all like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, that will never actually happen and we all know it. BUT...we might find a catchy song lyric in the process of airing our Big Ideas. Or a good photo opp. Or an inspiration for the next garden bed we dig.
So here's the deal:
Post your Big Ideas here. Not necessarily on MY blog, but on your own. Or on your Facebook or Twitter page. Or if you wanna just leave them as a comment here, that's good too. But share them with the world behind the anonymity of screen and keyboard. No matter how silly, how weird, how unintelligent you might think they are, if you have plans that involve more than you can bring to the table, you must share them somehow, somewhere. If, however, you have the BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD, you'll never know if you don't put it out there somewhere.
Oh, and no criticism of other people's ideas; you can add to an idea, and you can offer updates and changes to an idea, but you cannot BASH an idea. If someone finds fault in anyone else's idea, please be specific and courteous in drawing attention to the error.
I'm not sure who first said this, but I read in via Ann Landers: Small minds talk about people. Moderate minds talk about events. Big minds talk about ideas. The internet has given us the power to share ideas instantly, to become one big brain across the planet. Seriously, if you think of neurons like the individuals networked together via the internet, you can see that the more connections we make, the smarter the planet gets. And what's more intriguing than someone else's ideas? (one answer to that: Selling someone else on your own idea!)
So here's my Big Idea:
Inspire everyone to share their best ideas with everyone else, which will inspire even better ideas, thus expanding networking capacity and increasing exponentially the sum total of human knowledge.
Great idea, eh? But I can't do it without help. So take my Big Idea and turn it into your Big Idea.
Example of a Big Idea:
If we made all the polluting and resource stripping factories businesses actually figure in the cost of repairing the environmental destruction that is the legacy of their business practices into their business models, two things would happen: environmentally sensitive areas would become too expensive to exploit, and businesses would be making an honest profit, not one that rapes the future generation's resources. Lumber companies would pay for replanting mixed use forests, oil companies would pay to clean up all spills every time as well as the approximate value of all dead wildlife. Toxic waste dumps would be filtered and cleaned up at the cost of the corporation, and not the taxpayer. I don't know how to implement this, but it's possible to start with a grass-roots movement...like all Big ideas do.
Everyone has one. You have one. An idea that has been floating around in your head that you would love to see manifest, but is held back by the physical necessities of life. Time, money, people...something always holds back our Big ideas. Many times we think that it's even silly to entertain these Big Ideas, maybe because they don't have much usefulness, or perhaps they might be TOO BIG. Other times, the Big Ideas take the role of games around the table, 'what if' stories that we tell each other for entertainment.
But here's the problem with Big Ideas: They don't go no where unless they are shared. You can't tell if an idea is a good one or a bad one unless it gets out of your head, either in words, art, or actions. Ideas mean nothing if not set free from the confines of our skull.
Let's face it, out of all the ideas in the world, only a few manifest the way that they were originally envisioned. Most get tweaked, revamped, reworked, and resubmitted. While me might all like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, that will never actually happen and we all know it. BUT...we might find a catchy song lyric in the process of airing our Big Ideas. Or a good photo opp. Or an inspiration for the next garden bed we dig.
So here's the deal:
Post your Big Ideas here. Not necessarily on MY blog, but on your own. Or on your Facebook or Twitter page. Or if you wanna just leave them as a comment here, that's good too. But share them with the world behind the anonymity of screen and keyboard. No matter how silly, how weird, how unintelligent you might think they are, if you have plans that involve more than you can bring to the table, you must share them somehow, somewhere. If, however, you have the BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD, you'll never know if you don't put it out there somewhere.
Oh, and no criticism of other people's ideas; you can add to an idea, and you can offer updates and changes to an idea, but you cannot BASH an idea. If someone finds fault in anyone else's idea, please be specific and courteous in drawing attention to the error.
I'm not sure who first said this, but I read in via Ann Landers: Small minds talk about people. Moderate minds talk about events. Big minds talk about ideas. The internet has given us the power to share ideas instantly, to become one big brain across the planet. Seriously, if you think of neurons like the individuals networked together via the internet, you can see that the more connections we make, the smarter the planet gets. And what's more intriguing than someone else's ideas? (one answer to that: Selling someone else on your own idea!)
So here's my Big Idea:
Inspire everyone to share their best ideas with everyone else, which will inspire even better ideas, thus expanding networking capacity and increasing exponentially the sum total of human knowledge.
Great idea, eh? But I can't do it without help. So take my Big Idea and turn it into your Big Idea.
Example of a Big Idea:
If we made all the polluting and resource stripping factories businesses actually figure in the cost of repairing the environmental destruction that is the legacy of their business practices into their business models, two things would happen: environmentally sensitive areas would become too expensive to exploit, and businesses would be making an honest profit, not one that rapes the future generation's resources. Lumber companies would pay for replanting mixed use forests, oil companies would pay to clean up all spills every time as well as the approximate value of all dead wildlife. Toxic waste dumps would be filtered and cleaned up at the cost of the corporation, and not the taxpayer. I don't know how to implement this, but it's possible to start with a grass-roots movement...like all Big ideas do.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
All men are Shiva*
As I go into my meditation, a drop of water falls from a tree branch and lands directly on my crown chakra. I hate it when that happens...there's always a message in it for me.
Shiva...meditate upon Shiva, it says. I do.
He finds me in the Heart Temple, swooshes in swiftly with dazzling blueness. 'Shiva, Namaste!" I say, only half surprised. I did, after all, call him here myself.
He takes me in his arms like a lover coming home from overseas. "I have a message for you," he says softly against my ear. He is becoming transparent. I can feel him, but he's not solid...a hazy blue cloud form. "This is a message to all of the women you train," he adds, still holding me against his fading form. Now I'm curious. I don't have to ask, he can feel my question.
He pulls back a little to look in my face. I can barely see him now. "Here's the message: All men are Shiva. All men. You must remember that, even when they are trying very hard not to be Shiva. All men are Shiva." He disappears all together, and then I no longer feel his embrace.
All men are Shiva. No matter which man you make love with, he is Shiva. No matter which man you argue with, he is Shiva. No matter which man stood you up, tore you down, bought you flowers or stepped on your heart. He is Shiva.
OH...but Shiva has so many different connotations! Shiva is masculine deity, yes, but he is also Matter, basis of the Material world. The word also stands for the masculine principle, the strength and stamina of the male. Shiva is also the blue sky and all things up above, as opposed to Shakti who is hte Earth and all things below.
So all males are deity, matter, strength, and the sky.
Yeah, I can make love to that...no matter how crazy this particular Shiva makes me!
But Shiva! Wait! Don't Go yet!...if all men are Shiva, what the fuck is all this crap on the outside, all that bitter ego shit? How do we, as women, deal with it? What if they don't believe that they are Shiva?
Too late to ask questions now. The Deity has left the Temple.
Shiva...meditate upon Shiva, it says. I do.
He finds me in the Heart Temple, swooshes in swiftly with dazzling blueness. 'Shiva, Namaste!" I say, only half surprised. I did, after all, call him here myself.
He takes me in his arms like a lover coming home from overseas. "I have a message for you," he says softly against my ear. He is becoming transparent. I can feel him, but he's not solid...a hazy blue cloud form. "This is a message to all of the women you train," he adds, still holding me against his fading form. Now I'm curious. I don't have to ask, he can feel my question.
He pulls back a little to look in my face. I can barely see him now. "Here's the message: All men are Shiva. All men. You must remember that, even when they are trying very hard not to be Shiva. All men are Shiva." He disappears all together, and then I no longer feel his embrace.
All men are Shiva. No matter which man you make love with, he is Shiva. No matter which man you argue with, he is Shiva. No matter which man stood you up, tore you down, bought you flowers or stepped on your heart. He is Shiva.
OH...but Shiva has so many different connotations! Shiva is masculine deity, yes, but he is also Matter, basis of the Material world. The word also stands for the masculine principle, the strength and stamina of the male. Shiva is also the blue sky and all things up above, as opposed to Shakti who is hte Earth and all things below.
So all males are deity, matter, strength, and the sky.
Yeah, I can make love to that...no matter how crazy this particular Shiva makes me!
But Shiva! Wait! Don't Go yet!...if all men are Shiva, what the fuck is all this crap on the outside, all that bitter ego shit? How do we, as women, deal with it? What if they don't believe that they are Shiva?
Too late to ask questions now. The Deity has left the Temple.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Competition
We live in a competitive society. We are taught from the time we understand anything at all that there are finite resources and we must strategize on maximizing our access to the resources we desire. In other words, we must figure out how to get what we need while others are doing the same. This leads inevitably to competition.
But...what if you didn't know your needs from your wants? What if nobody taught you any strategies? What if you lived by the philosophy of doing no harm to others? What if you just didn't want to compete?
Is there an easy way through this dog-eat-dog world? Sure there is. Just ask a cat.
Competition is only a problem of perspective. We feel we must compete because that is what we see immediately around us. But we're not looking at the bigger picture. The fact that there are plenty of resources in our immediate environment seems to slip by most Americans. In your neighborhood, right this moment, is a grocery store that holds enough food to feed you and your neighbors. In your state, right now, there is enough food to feed every person in the state (unless, of course, you're growing oranges in Florida in the middle of a freeze.)
Finite resources is manufactured scarcity. People starve in America not because there is not enough food in America, but because there is too much competition, which results in hoarding (aka price gouging) which results in a certain unfortunate sector of the population not being able to afford to purchase the food from those with the resources. But this is a society of plenty. And competition disappears in an atmosphere of plenty.
So...competition is manufactured by society, but we don't have to buy that paradigm. However, we all still have to live in society. How do we eat but not compete?
First off, remember that you are where you are for a reason. Nobody knows that reason except maybe deep down inside of you, but there's a reason for your existance. If you are where you're supposed to be, you will find all the resources you need to be where you are. When those resources are not there, you will move on. If you are not in the place you're supposed to be, you may need to move on to find resources.
Second, if you are not competing, you actually have more attention to give to opportunities. You have a chance to see them coming and prepare to make the most of them. You have time to create them.
Third, take yourself out of the game. If there's a ballgame in a stadium, there are winners and losers. There are winning fans and losing fans. Each person in the stadium is on one side of the line or the other, and the two sides are competing. The hot-dog vendor is competing with the beer guy for your cash. People are getting antsy about their teams...stressing out even! But everyone is involved in the game somehow.
Who is not involved in the game?
The person walking down the street, who doesn't know the game is happening, and doesn't care. This person is not competing. This person is not watching or judging the competition. This person can have hot dogs and beer all day long, no competition.
Step out of the game. Get away from the stadium. Stop playing, stop watching, stop being the referee. Stop parking cars for the patrons. Get your needs met under your own power, feed yourself as you wish, eat, sleep, work, play as you wish. It's your life and you only get it this one time.
Be the cat in a dog-eat-dog world.
But...what if you didn't know your needs from your wants? What if nobody taught you any strategies? What if you lived by the philosophy of doing no harm to others? What if you just didn't want to compete?
Is there an easy way through this dog-eat-dog world? Sure there is. Just ask a cat.
Competition is only a problem of perspective. We feel we must compete because that is what we see immediately around us. But we're not looking at the bigger picture. The fact that there are plenty of resources in our immediate environment seems to slip by most Americans. In your neighborhood, right this moment, is a grocery store that holds enough food to feed you and your neighbors. In your state, right now, there is enough food to feed every person in the state (unless, of course, you're growing oranges in Florida in the middle of a freeze.)
Finite resources is manufactured scarcity. People starve in America not because there is not enough food in America, but because there is too much competition, which results in hoarding (aka price gouging) which results in a certain unfortunate sector of the population not being able to afford to purchase the food from those with the resources. But this is a society of plenty. And competition disappears in an atmosphere of plenty.
So...competition is manufactured by society, but we don't have to buy that paradigm. However, we all still have to live in society. How do we eat but not compete?
First off, remember that you are where you are for a reason. Nobody knows that reason except maybe deep down inside of you, but there's a reason for your existance. If you are where you're supposed to be, you will find all the resources you need to be where you are. When those resources are not there, you will move on. If you are not in the place you're supposed to be, you may need to move on to find resources.
Second, if you are not competing, you actually have more attention to give to opportunities. You have a chance to see them coming and prepare to make the most of them. You have time to create them.
Third, take yourself out of the game. If there's a ballgame in a stadium, there are winners and losers. There are winning fans and losing fans. Each person in the stadium is on one side of the line or the other, and the two sides are competing. The hot-dog vendor is competing with the beer guy for your cash. People are getting antsy about their teams...stressing out even! But everyone is involved in the game somehow.
Who is not involved in the game?
The person walking down the street, who doesn't know the game is happening, and doesn't care. This person is not competing. This person is not watching or judging the competition. This person can have hot dogs and beer all day long, no competition.
Step out of the game. Get away from the stadium. Stop playing, stop watching, stop being the referee. Stop parking cars for the patrons. Get your needs met under your own power, feed yourself as you wish, eat, sleep, work, play as you wish. It's your life and you only get it this one time.
Be the cat in a dog-eat-dog world.
Monday, January 4, 2010
"Just" and "Only"
When someone says you have hurt them, ask one question, then shut the fuck up. Do not apologize immediately, simply say "How?" And then listen.
Someone with hurt feelings doesn't give a shit about your apology...yet. Just as a bleeding cut needs oxygen to clot, hurt feelings need to air to feel better. He or she needs to vent. He or she needs to know that someone is listening. He or she needs to rip into you. And if you sincerely are apologetic about it, you'll let that happen.
And THEN apologize.
Example: Someone steps on your toes as they get into an crowded elevator. You say "ow!" Toe-stepper says "I was just trying to find a place to stand." This translates into: I was just trying to take care of my own needs. That statement is not about YOU at all! It's all about him. You still have him standing on your toe, you're still saying "ow." And you still have to tell him to get off your fucking foot.
So when the shoe is on the other foot, and you are the Toe-stepper, and someone says "ow!" You can ask "How did I hurt you?" They will say "Get off my fucking foot, you idiot!" And then you do, and then apologize, and the energy exchange is over.
In an emotional transaction, it goes like this: I say something you perceive as negative, say a comment about people from your home town. Your feelings are hurt. You spout off, call me a bitch, whatever. This is my signal that your feelings were hurt. So, instead of defending my statement, instead of taking your anger personally, I ask "What did I do to piss you off?" You then tell me that you are from that town, you are proud of your town, and I don't know what the fuck I"m talking about. At this point I have learned two things: #1, which places that you value, and #2, my conclusions about your town are erroneous. If I have learned these things, why should I have to defend my statement at all? It was obviously false. Actually, I should thank you!
Or perhaps we argue over some fact, like the value of pi or the circumference of the earth. You say X and I say Y. I know deep in my heart that I am correct, but the more I insist, the more pissed off you get. Finally, you are yelling at me. This is my signal that I hurt your feelings. At this point, I could just drop it, call you an idiot, and leave you there, misguided and pissed off. Or I can say "What about this argument is making you so angry?" And you'll say "Because you're wrong, and you're stupid, and I can prove you're wrong!" At this point, allow the proof to be brought forth. Be gracious about it's presentation.
When someone says "I was just...." or "I was only..." to explain their behavior, they are not talking about anyone but themselves. It's an excuse, a way to duck blame for thoughtlessness. It is not Just. It is Only...about them. Never confront a person who is angry at you with the word, "But I was just..." It's not about you, is it?
Someone with hurt feelings doesn't give a shit about your apology...yet. Just as a bleeding cut needs oxygen to clot, hurt feelings need to air to feel better. He or she needs to vent. He or she needs to know that someone is listening. He or she needs to rip into you. And if you sincerely are apologetic about it, you'll let that happen.
And THEN apologize.
Example: Someone steps on your toes as they get into an crowded elevator. You say "ow!" Toe-stepper says "I was just trying to find a place to stand." This translates into: I was just trying to take care of my own needs. That statement is not about YOU at all! It's all about him. You still have him standing on your toe, you're still saying "ow." And you still have to tell him to get off your fucking foot.
So when the shoe is on the other foot, and you are the Toe-stepper, and someone says "ow!" You can ask "How did I hurt you?" They will say "Get off my fucking foot, you idiot!" And then you do, and then apologize, and the energy exchange is over.
In an emotional transaction, it goes like this: I say something you perceive as negative, say a comment about people from your home town. Your feelings are hurt. You spout off, call me a bitch, whatever. This is my signal that your feelings were hurt. So, instead of defending my statement, instead of taking your anger personally, I ask "What did I do to piss you off?" You then tell me that you are from that town, you are proud of your town, and I don't know what the fuck I"m talking about. At this point I have learned two things: #1, which places that you value, and #2, my conclusions about your town are erroneous. If I have learned these things, why should I have to defend my statement at all? It was obviously false. Actually, I should thank you!
Or perhaps we argue over some fact, like the value of pi or the circumference of the earth. You say X and I say Y. I know deep in my heart that I am correct, but the more I insist, the more pissed off you get. Finally, you are yelling at me. This is my signal that I hurt your feelings. At this point, I could just drop it, call you an idiot, and leave you there, misguided and pissed off. Or I can say "What about this argument is making you so angry?" And you'll say "Because you're wrong, and you're stupid, and I can prove you're wrong!" At this point, allow the proof to be brought forth. Be gracious about it's presentation.
When someone says "I was just...." or "I was only..." to explain their behavior, they are not talking about anyone but themselves. It's an excuse, a way to duck blame for thoughtlessness. It is not Just. It is Only...about them. Never confront a person who is angry at you with the word, "But I was just..." It's not about you, is it?
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