Strange how we get caught up in other people's opinions of us. We might say "I don't give a fuck about what you think about me," but in all honesty, it still hurts our feelings when we discover someone we wanted to like isn't likeable, or doesn't like us.
Learning how not to be the person everyone wants you to be is one of the hardest things in Tantra. We spend our whole life listening to people tell us who to be...and we never stop to ask "Who do I want to be?" (We are asked "What" but not "Who.") Do you want to be that over acheiver? Do you want to be the go-to person? Do you want to be the lazy bum in the corner? The dude on the offramp? The waitress at the diner? Who do you wanna be?
You were not put on this planet to perform in someone else's scripts; quite the contrary! We all have our own scripts to perform. If I expect you to perform in my script my way, and you do it your way instead, why should I get angry? It's my expectations, not your performance, that is the problem.
We want to trust people. We want to be friendly and giving and kind. We want to show that we care. This is where con-men make their living. They know that people have weak spots in "caring," and they tend to exploit that. But if you trust a con-man, and you have expectations that he's not going to screw you over, then the problem is your expectations, not the con-man.
Right/wrong, good/bad, moral/immoral...none of it means shit. There are different ways to do things, some are effective, some are not. Some are appropriate, some are not. Washing your laundry in tne middle of the street is not wrong, just ineffective. Cussing in front of grandma is not wrong, just inappropriate.
Doesn't fruit go "bad?" (It grabs a handgun and holds up the local liquor store, right?) It rots and ferments and becomes inedible...but it's perfectly suited to do so, and nature designed it to become compost at some point...so it's just doing it's thing.
Know this: Good and bad do not exist outside your mind.
And your opinion of me, good or bad, does not exist outside your mind.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
The Magick of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a big deal for Christians. Apparently, their goal is to get God to forgive their sins, which enables them to enjoy the afterlife. The knowledge that they have been forgiven by their God seems to work some intense magick in their lives, enabling junkies to quit their drug, gamblers to turn from the tables, and families to accept prodigal sons.
As pagans and wiccans, we don't ask our Goddess for forgiveness; she don't count sins against us. However, sometimes human beings hurt each other, and to them we sometimes need to ask forgiveness. And sometimes, we are in the position to either forgive or not forgive some wrong done against us.
Forgiveness holds magick for pagans, as well. When someone has done us wrong, insulted us, taken something we earned, or otherwise dumped us in the dirt, our first inclination is to become hurt, which begins the flow of negative energy. That energy then goes out into the world, bringing more negativity into our Universe, which brings us down even more.
This vicious cycle of negativity does not stem from the action done to you, it stems from your reaction to that event. Let me make that perfectly clear: the original action that causes a dispute is not the source of the negativity that ensues, but the reaction to it is.
Basically, nobody wakes up in the morning saying "I'm going to mess you up." Even the meanest people in the world start their day saying "I'm going to get what is rightfully mine, even if I have to step on toes to do so." But they don't single you out. You're just a minor casualty in their flawed plan.
Most people wake up in the morning saying "I have stuff to do today," with no thought whatsoever about you. You are not intended as a victim; the intention is all about them.
So the negativity starts when you feel hurt by someone else's action. And then you begin to defend yourself in ways you believe are appropriate: distancing, denying, retaliation, and the game is on. Soon the negativity begins flowing both directions in a nasty little 'button pushing contest' and then the people involved become enemies.
We know that magick is about the intention behind it. We know that if someone's intent is to hurt us, the energy will eventually backfire and karma will kick in. So if their intention is just to get ahead, without thoughts about you, it makes just as much sense to start a war with them as it does to start a war with a hurricane.
But hurricanes still hurt us. It hurts when something or someone we care about is threatened or damaged. If you didn't care, it wouldn't hurt. So if you get hurt by someone's actions, give yourself credit for being a thinking, feeling, caring individual. And recognize that you have chosen to give-a-damn, therefore, you choose to hurt. As Osho says, great sensitivity also brings great suffering.
A common story involves a father with two small children on a train. The kids are bouncing all over the car, fighting and arguing with each other, causing a ruckus and driving the other passengers nuts. The dad is doing nothing to correct them. What would you think about that dad? But then, another passenger whispers that the family is returning from the funeral of the mother. Suddenly, the dad's behavior and the kid's behavior makes sense. The result is an instant forgiveness for the transgressions of the family, due to a new understanding.
Understanding the other person's motives is the beginning. Their motivations are always themselves, so that's easy. Were they in a hurry or distracted and missed something? Were they excited or frustrated and acting out? Did they forget about being compassionate toward others? Were they not aware of your expectations? If you think about it long enough, you'll understand their intentions, which is the seed of forgiveness.
A great meditation is to imagine there's an empty area in your heart, a cleaned-out window sill or a corner of the floor, where you can grow forgiveness. See a small pot full of healthy soil, and plant the seed of understanding; that is, plant the knowledge that they were only trying to get ahead, and stepped on your toes doing so.
Fertilize this little seed with your caring. Your sensitivity will take care of this little seed until it becomes a plant. Then water that plant with the tears that come from the hurt within you. Every time you think about the hurt, visualize the forgiveness plant being watered. Come back to it every day to see how it grows.
Eventually, when you see the forgiveness plant, it will give you the message that will help heal the hurt. If it is wilting from lack of light, then bring the hurtful issue "into the light." Talk to someone about it. If the forgiveness plant is growing like crazy and taking over the space, it's time to stop watering (crying over it) and take it outside for all to see. That means to make your forgiveness public. If you find you have no more tears to water it with, plant it outdoors so that you no longer have to care for it. And that means to let the whole issue go to the greater Universe.
Forgiving is magick for pagans in that we can release tied-up, wasted, negative energy and turn it into something truly positive for ourselves and for others. Don't let the opportunity to use forgiveness energy go to waste. The next time you have an opportunity to forgive, recover that energy and be forgiving.
As pagans and wiccans, we don't ask our Goddess for forgiveness; she don't count sins against us. However, sometimes human beings hurt each other, and to them we sometimes need to ask forgiveness. And sometimes, we are in the position to either forgive or not forgive some wrong done against us.
Forgiveness holds magick for pagans, as well. When someone has done us wrong, insulted us, taken something we earned, or otherwise dumped us in the dirt, our first inclination is to become hurt, which begins the flow of negative energy. That energy then goes out into the world, bringing more negativity into our Universe, which brings us down even more.
This vicious cycle of negativity does not stem from the action done to you, it stems from your reaction to that event. Let me make that perfectly clear: the original action that causes a dispute is not the source of the negativity that ensues, but the reaction to it is.
Basically, nobody wakes up in the morning saying "I'm going to mess you up." Even the meanest people in the world start their day saying "I'm going to get what is rightfully mine, even if I have to step on toes to do so." But they don't single you out. You're just a minor casualty in their flawed plan.
Most people wake up in the morning saying "I have stuff to do today," with no thought whatsoever about you. You are not intended as a victim; the intention is all about them.
So the negativity starts when you feel hurt by someone else's action. And then you begin to defend yourself in ways you believe are appropriate: distancing, denying, retaliation, and the game is on. Soon the negativity begins flowing both directions in a nasty little 'button pushing contest' and then the people involved become enemies.
We know that magick is about the intention behind it. We know that if someone's intent is to hurt us, the energy will eventually backfire and karma will kick in. So if their intention is just to get ahead, without thoughts about you, it makes just as much sense to start a war with them as it does to start a war with a hurricane.
But hurricanes still hurt us. It hurts when something or someone we care about is threatened or damaged. If you didn't care, it wouldn't hurt. So if you get hurt by someone's actions, give yourself credit for being a thinking, feeling, caring individual. And recognize that you have chosen to give-a-damn, therefore, you choose to hurt. As Osho says, great sensitivity also brings great suffering.
A common story involves a father with two small children on a train. The kids are bouncing all over the car, fighting and arguing with each other, causing a ruckus and driving the other passengers nuts. The dad is doing nothing to correct them. What would you think about that dad? But then, another passenger whispers that the family is returning from the funeral of the mother. Suddenly, the dad's behavior and the kid's behavior makes sense. The result is an instant forgiveness for the transgressions of the family, due to a new understanding.
Understanding the other person's motives is the beginning. Their motivations are always themselves, so that's easy. Were they in a hurry or distracted and missed something? Were they excited or frustrated and acting out? Did they forget about being compassionate toward others? Were they not aware of your expectations? If you think about it long enough, you'll understand their intentions, which is the seed of forgiveness.
A great meditation is to imagine there's an empty area in your heart, a cleaned-out window sill or a corner of the floor, where you can grow forgiveness. See a small pot full of healthy soil, and plant the seed of understanding; that is, plant the knowledge that they were only trying to get ahead, and stepped on your toes doing so.
Fertilize this little seed with your caring. Your sensitivity will take care of this little seed until it becomes a plant. Then water that plant with the tears that come from the hurt within you. Every time you think about the hurt, visualize the forgiveness plant being watered. Come back to it every day to see how it grows.
Eventually, when you see the forgiveness plant, it will give you the message that will help heal the hurt. If it is wilting from lack of light, then bring the hurtful issue "into the light." Talk to someone about it. If the forgiveness plant is growing like crazy and taking over the space, it's time to stop watering (crying over it) and take it outside for all to see. That means to make your forgiveness public. If you find you have no more tears to water it with, plant it outdoors so that you no longer have to care for it. And that means to let the whole issue go to the greater Universe.
Forgiving is magick for pagans in that we can release tied-up, wasted, negative energy and turn it into something truly positive for ourselves and for others. Don't let the opportunity to use forgiveness energy go to waste. The next time you have an opportunity to forgive, recover that energy and be forgiving.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Time Can Be Managed
My buddy Fred the Evil Carpenter is now Fred the Evil Ex-Patriot. He's leaving for Switzerland on Friday, getting hitched to some woman he went to school with years ago. So we took him out to dinner tonight at Jerusalem Cafe to say goodbye. I'm not real big on mediterranian food, hell, I can't even spell it, but the lamb was done right, so I'm happy.
What was funny was that the restaurant was two doors down from the location where Fred used to be the Evil Baker. He's known the owner of the cafe for 10 years, so it was like going into a restaurant where everyone knows your companion. We were even introduced to the new members of the restaurant family.
It struck me as strange, going down into the heart of Vancouver at night, that I've not had a reason to do that in about 10 years. Some things have radically changed since we used to deliver cookies and bagels at dawn. New buildings on some corners, old buildings redone. The Arnada Cafe closed. The bus mall closed, and a new fountain put up.
"Time is weird," I say
"You gotta be here now," he says.
"Sometimes, your brain goes there then."
"The 'then' is always laying there underneath the now."
What was funny was that the restaurant was two doors down from the location where Fred used to be the Evil Baker. He's known the owner of the cafe for 10 years, so it was like going into a restaurant where everyone knows your companion. We were even introduced to the new members of the restaurant family.
It struck me as strange, going down into the heart of Vancouver at night, that I've not had a reason to do that in about 10 years. Some things have radically changed since we used to deliver cookies and bagels at dawn. New buildings on some corners, old buildings redone. The Arnada Cafe closed. The bus mall closed, and a new fountain put up.
"Time is weird," I say
"You gotta be here now," he says.
"Sometimes, your brain goes there then."
"The 'then' is always laying there underneath the now."
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Processing information about information processing*
This week's lesson in my online course is about how neurons work and how brains develop. This is kinda old hat for me, as I've had my nose in neuropsych since before I went back to college. I pushed myself into the most advanced neuropsych classes I could get as an undergrad. This lesson seems like kindergarten to me now, but it coincided nicely with what my students are up to.
One student is working on integrating the workings of the Naked Flame with the mundane path of life. This takes some consideration of why we hold sharply to habitual ideas, even in the face of contradictory facts. If your Naked Flame says "go play with snakes," and you have a fear of snakes, you must reconfigure the neural network in your brain that links snakes and fear. And you're the only one who can do it. If you don't, the Naked Flame is going to make sure you are surrounded by snakes.
One student is working on how to help others in that reconfiguration process. In the mundane world, the world that scoffs at energy theory, that reconfiguration takes months of work that usually culminate in a momentary major epiphany that then marks that point in time when the neural network is permanently changed. Tantra, on the other hand, simply raises a person's vibration; this alone is enough to shake that neural pattern free from it's foundations. Typically, that epiphany moment is right after the energy peaks. This takes less knowledge about classic psychological theories and more knowledge about vibration raising.
One student is dreaming about chakra patterns and how to recognize when one is fucked up. A fucked up chakra pattern represents a problematic neural network, one that is caught in a single 'rut,' unable to move energy through it. To fix the energy of the body fixes the energy of that fucked up network, allowing the Flame to manifest through the body as it was designed to do.
One student is figuring out that her brain has been concentrating on negative aspects of what she doesn't want in a partner. This is broadcasting these traits into her universe and manifesting bad fitting partners.
To change what energy she is putting out means that she is also changing the neural network associated with her desires.
I hope you all are able to do what your Naked Flame wants you to do, and not what your ego thinks is best. To fix your chakras is to fix your brain. Nobody can do it for you; we can't use a screwdriver to open yor head and rewire you.
This is an inside job.
One student is working on integrating the workings of the Naked Flame with the mundane path of life. This takes some consideration of why we hold sharply to habitual ideas, even in the face of contradictory facts. If your Naked Flame says "go play with snakes," and you have a fear of snakes, you must reconfigure the neural network in your brain that links snakes and fear. And you're the only one who can do it. If you don't, the Naked Flame is going to make sure you are surrounded by snakes.
One student is working on how to help others in that reconfiguration process. In the mundane world, the world that scoffs at energy theory, that reconfiguration takes months of work that usually culminate in a momentary major epiphany that then marks that point in time when the neural network is permanently changed. Tantra, on the other hand, simply raises a person's vibration; this alone is enough to shake that neural pattern free from it's foundations. Typically, that epiphany moment is right after the energy peaks. This takes less knowledge about classic psychological theories and more knowledge about vibration raising.
One student is dreaming about chakra patterns and how to recognize when one is fucked up. A fucked up chakra pattern represents a problematic neural network, one that is caught in a single 'rut,' unable to move energy through it. To fix the energy of the body fixes the energy of that fucked up network, allowing the Flame to manifest through the body as it was designed to do.
One student is figuring out that her brain has been concentrating on negative aspects of what she doesn't want in a partner. This is broadcasting these traits into her universe and manifesting bad fitting partners.
To change what energy she is putting out means that she is also changing the neural network associated with her desires.
I hope you all are able to do what your Naked Flame wants you to do, and not what your ego thinks is best. To fix your chakras is to fix your brain. Nobody can do it for you; we can't use a screwdriver to open yor head and rewire you.
This is an inside job.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tantric homophobia? Say it ain't so...
I received an invite in my inbox from a group who needed more females to show up at their "Tantric Puja" event. I laughed and deleted it, thinking "sorry, won't participate in your homophobia..." But it got me to thinking...Why are so many so-called Tantrics taking issue with same-sex couples practicing and/or showing up at their events? I boycott anything that is "gender balanced," as that tells me right off the bat that same-sex couples are not invited...i.e. discriminated against.
But Sienna, you say, you're married to a GUY. Doesn't that make you heterosexual? Why would discrimination that doesn't affect you even bother you?
First off, I'm not het. I'm bi. AMAF, I'm probably the most comfortable bisexual individual you will ever meet. Second, many times, I'd rather go out with a woman than a guy. My husband doesn't enjoy a lot of the same things I do, and my girlfriends do. I certainly can't take a girl to a gender-balanced event, now can I? Third, many many many of my friends are not straight. These are people I love and care deeply about. I actually am rather bored by straight relationships...(yeah, even my own sometimes!)
In my experience, gays who are not in the closet are the coolest folks on earth. They don't give a shit about stigmas anymore. They have learned to think outside the box, and they laugh in the face of fear. It's not any easier being gay than it is being black...even if it is easier to pass...but seriously, discriminate against a gay person and you're discriminating against me too.
Tantra shows us that we are all the same Energy underneath it all. Anyone who practices Tantra understands that the package on the outside includes gender, but the inner self does not. Therefore, gender is irrelevant to a Tantric practitioner. SO WHY THE FUCK DO THEY NEED GENDER BALANCE???
Yeah, that's a rhetorical question. I know that they are freaked out and would prefer to discriminate rather than face their own fears. I know that deep down they have never examined their own gender preferences, otherwise they would know that there is nothing to fear in letting same-sex couples participate in group activities. I know that they create meditations and rituals for two people to share, and their choreography gets all fucked up if they aren't gender biased (rewrite the fucking choreography, dumbass...) These are lame fuckedup reasons to discriminate.
I don't care what gender you are, what gender you love, what gender you would like to be. I don't care if you fuck, suck, or play with toys to achieve your personal orgasms. I don't really give a rat's ass what happens between you and any other consenting adult in the privacy of your bedroom. I don't mind seeing Public Displays of Affection between any two humans, as long as it don't get too messy...
And this is why I'm encouraging same-sex couples at the American Tantra party. If you know of any non-straight human being who has the misguided understanding that Tantra is for Heteros only...please have them email me. I'll set 'em straight...HA HA HA HA! (yeah, I crack me up...)
Current Mood: amused
But Sienna, you say, you're married to a GUY. Doesn't that make you heterosexual? Why would discrimination that doesn't affect you even bother you?
First off, I'm not het. I'm bi. AMAF, I'm probably the most comfortable bisexual individual you will ever meet. Second, many times, I'd rather go out with a woman than a guy. My husband doesn't enjoy a lot of the same things I do, and my girlfriends do. I certainly can't take a girl to a gender-balanced event, now can I? Third, many many many of my friends are not straight. These are people I love and care deeply about. I actually am rather bored by straight relationships...(yeah, even my own sometimes!)
In my experience, gays who are not in the closet are the coolest folks on earth. They don't give a shit about stigmas anymore. They have learned to think outside the box, and they laugh in the face of fear. It's not any easier being gay than it is being black...even if it is easier to pass...but seriously, discriminate against a gay person and you're discriminating against me too.
Tantra shows us that we are all the same Energy underneath it all. Anyone who practices Tantra understands that the package on the outside includes gender, but the inner self does not. Therefore, gender is irrelevant to a Tantric practitioner. SO WHY THE FUCK DO THEY NEED GENDER BALANCE???
Yeah, that's a rhetorical question. I know that they are freaked out and would prefer to discriminate rather than face their own fears. I know that deep down they have never examined their own gender preferences, otherwise they would know that there is nothing to fear in letting same-sex couples participate in group activities. I know that they create meditations and rituals for two people to share, and their choreography gets all fucked up if they aren't gender biased (rewrite the fucking choreography, dumbass...) These are lame fuckedup reasons to discriminate.
I don't care what gender you are, what gender you love, what gender you would like to be. I don't care if you fuck, suck, or play with toys to achieve your personal orgasms. I don't really give a rat's ass what happens between you and any other consenting adult in the privacy of your bedroom. I don't mind seeing Public Displays of Affection between any two humans, as long as it don't get too messy...
And this is why I'm encouraging same-sex couples at the American Tantra party. If you know of any non-straight human being who has the misguided understanding that Tantra is for Heteros only...please have them email me. I'll set 'em straight...HA HA HA HA! (yeah, I crack me up...)
Current Mood: amused
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